The Pirate-Ninja-Cowboy-Mafia-Viki ng War
by elecorn
Summary: "...and then the cowboys totally crushed the pirates." And with that sentence an epic battle between pirates, cowboys, ninjas, mafia and vikings started.


"Now tell me how exactly did this happen?"

The 5 nations could only grin sheepishly at the furious German standing before them.

Germany was pinching the bridge of his nose. A vein was throbbing visibly on his head.

He had a good reason to be angry though, walking into the conference room in a state of total chaos. Plastic swords were littered on the floor, some were bent and broken, and others had a suspicious red tint on them. Among the swords there were also guns, axes, knives and _was that a lasso? _Germany didn't even want to know.

Of course that wasn't all he saw. Germany looked at the countries seated in front of him. He had walked in on America, England, Japan, Denmark and even Italy fighting, covered in multiple bumps, bruises and cuts. Which leads to where we are now.

"Well answer my question!"

The meeting room was silent for a moment. But of course, the silence didn't last long.

"It was Iggy's fault "America suddenly admitted.

"What? It is not you bloody git!" England shouted back.

"I agree with America-san" Japan stated his opinion calmly, well America's opinion.

"As if you had nothing to d o with it Japan!" Japan's face flushed at what England had said.

Japan the quiet, calm, _sane _one was part of the fight? Germany definitely needed to know what happened.

"Will someone just tell me what happened, before another fight breaks out!" Germany glared at England and America and then looked inquiringly at Japan. But before Japan could answer, another voice entered the conversation.

"Ve, I can tell you what happened" said a creepy high-pitched voice.

The nations turned to look for the source of the voice. Germany half-expected to see the Russian, but he had dismissed him along with the other nations that were not involved with the fight, and the distinctive "ve" also suggested otherwise. No it couldn't be. But as Germany turned he was met with the face of the bubbly Italian.

"Italia?"

Everyone was shocked to see the smiling Italian, but unlike his usual clueless smile, the smile he was wearing now was childishly cruel, sadistic even.

No one thought Italy could pull of such a smile.

Italy, not minding the stares he was receiving, continued to speak.

"Ve, It all started this morning"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASH BACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

England looked at his watch expectantly; the meeting had already officially begun.

America was late as usual, that self-centered idiot. But it was unusual for the German brothers to be tardy, even the older brother who could be even more of a self-centered idiot than America. Maybe he would be lucky today, he already had to deal with the French frog who was trying to...Heaven knows what he was doing. But maybe he wouldn't have to deal with America today...

Of course he had spoken too soon.

"HEY GUYS!" an obnoxious voice broke the peacefulness of the room.

"America, you bloody git, you don't just barge into a room when you're late and say _HEY GUYS" _ said England mimicking the American's voice.

America resumed talking, completely ignoring England's remark, "Yesterday I watched an epic movie about cowboys and pirates...

America kept ranting about how _epic _or _awesome_ the movie was, until he reached that fateful line. "...and then the cowboys totally crushed the pirates.

England almost fell out of his chair.

"Would you care to repeat that?"

"Iggy you must be getting old, you aren't going deaf are you?" teased America

"Just hurry up and answer the bloody question"

"Chill, I said_ then the cowboys totally owned the pirates" _America repeated saying each word slowly.

To everyone's surprise England burst out laughing. "Angleterre, have you finally lost your mind." France said looking genuinely concerned.

"Pfft, only an _American _would think that cowboys could beat pirates. Pirates are ruthless killers who would not hesitate to stab you in the heart at this very moment. They even beat the Spanish armada for goodness sake.

Spain winced at hearing _Spanish armada_ and began to sob "My armada" as Romano rushed to comfort him (it's not that I l-like him or anything).

"Excuse me? Cowboys are way more awesome than pirates. They're heroes." America slowly approached England "And heroes always win" emphasizing each word with a poke to the chest.

"You take that back" England glared at America his voice dripping with venom.

"Make me" America returned his glare with a determined stare.

But before they could pounce at each other, Japan cut in, as usual being the peacemaker between the two. "America-san, England-san please stop quarreling cowboys and pirates are equally good.

The tension between England and America seemed to lessen

"-_but_ ninjas on the other hand, could easily beat both." America and England both turned to stare at Japan.

"WHAT?!" they said at the same time

"They would both drop dead with one slice of the katana." Japan said that as if it were a known fact.

"Yeah" they were soon interrupted by none other than Denmark" but they would run for the hills once they catch sight of a _Viking_." The other Nordics nodded in agreement.

"Ve, make pasta not war" Italy tried to convince them, then his expression suddenly shifted"-or I'll have my mafia take you out, right _fratello_" Italy turned to Romano but he was still comforting the sobbing Spaniard (it's not that I c-care about him).

The tension between the five nations was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Most of the remaining countries have already left or have resorted to cowering under the table.

"Y-you better stop or I'll beat you with my peace prize" Switzerland threatened in a vain attempt to stop the bickering nations. They in return gave harsh glares, or in Italy's case a creepy smile that could rival Russia's.

"Bruder, I think we should leave" Liechtenstein said, desperately trying to bring her brother out of the room before the fight started

"I agree we should leave.

The countries that were left were already placing bets. Everyone was wide awake, well Greece was for a moment, placing his bet on ninjas before abruptly falling asleep. All of them were under the safety of the table, none of them daring to go out.

"Kolkolkol, this will be interesting da? Russia asked.

"Aiya, I just hope they don't destroy the meeting room again aru." China replied

In the world outside the table, the five nations were about to face off, all of them in their respecting attires.

Japan unsheathed his katana (plastic, real ones were never allowed in meetings)

Denmark prepared his axe.

America readied his lasso and toy shot gun.

England brought out his pirate sword.

Italy loaded his gun with pasta sauce bullets. _So that was the red liquid Germany thought relieved._

And as if there was an invisible signal they jumped at each other.

Japan, England and Denmark were locked in sword to sword to axe combat. While Italy and America were firing at each other, America trying to lasso the other.

"Ve, the fight seemed to go on forever" Italy continued to tell the story.

"And then?" asked Germany "Who won?"

"No one remember" Italy reminded "That's when you found us"

Germany nodded

"Umm so what now?" America asked cautiously, awaiting a punishment

"Nothing"

"What?!"

"I said nothing" Germany smirked he had already chosen his punishment. "Though I truly wonder who would have won" and with that said Germany left the conference room.

"I would" they all said at the same time.

The five nations looked at each other menacingly.

And with that the Pirate-Cowboy-Ninja-Mafia-Viking war started once again.


End file.
